normally, i'm as straight as the next guy, but tonight, my next guy is our guest dan savage. he is weapons-grade gay. and he's the worst kind, too: smart, thoughtful, charming, and he always smells like the first day of spring. [laughter] so to steel myself for his appearance tonight, i'm going to bring my own heterosexual accountability buddy to keep me on the straight and narrow-minded. okay, i'll get my building manager tad out here. tad? >> stephen: so, you're a heterosexual, right? >> exactly, i'm a confirmed bachelor. i would never marry a woman. >> stephen: smart man. keeping your options open. >> right, i don't want to get tied down. i want to be available-- for women. >> stephen: great- are you busy right now?